Wednesday, July 06, 2016

Space Battleship Yamato sucked, except for the main theme

I happened to have a chance to hear the main theme of the Space Battleship Yamato (宇宙戦艦ヤマト). I liked the lyrics and melody of the part "必ずここへ帰って来ると手を振る人に笑顔で答え (Saying 'We shall return here no matter what' with a smile to the people who are waving their hands)". I kind of felt a sense of solemnity, sadness, sense of duty from that lyrics. I usually do not watch 'war' or 'battle' animations, because I do not like wars or battles, but this animation franchise had 4 series and several movies, according to Wikipedia. I thought it must have been good, otherwise how could there have been so many series, so I gave it a try and watched the first series.

In short, everything except the main theme sucked.

Technical nonsenses

Given that it was made in 1974 and it was not a space documentary, there still are some serious flaws. Why would anyone in 2199 use a battleship made in 1940's. They modified it, but it would have made far more sense if they built a new one from scratch. It would be as if building Windows 10 by modifying Windows 1.0 source code. To me, it seemed to be an excuse to link the mission with an old Japanese imperial ship that some old Japanese people have nostalgia for.

The crew members on Yamato which was near Pluto had real time video conversation with their family members on Earth. This is impossible. Pluto is 5 light hours away from the Earth. They cannot talk to each other in real time. Nothing can go faster than light, and so even the radio waves or any medium for communication can achieve real-time. More ridiculously, the ship somehow restored real-time communication with Earth when they were halfway to the Magellanic Cloud about 100,000 light years away from the Earth, and no one on the ship thought it strange.

How could the crews fix the outer damage of the ship in space, so quickly on the go? The damages were not even subtle. In one episode, almost the entire bottom half of the ship was damaged, but in the next episode it was fixed and good as new. Where do they get the parts and materials from? Space is vastly empty, it is not as if you can find an go to planets are here and there. Even if there happened to be some planets each time the ship got damages, materials would not be on the surface in lumps for you to extract. It is not StarCraft.

Annoying bible references

Analyser the robot said "It is said that humans got their life from God." No! We got it from evolution. Why a robot in the year 2199 would be still believing such nonsense? The last-surviving alien woman in Iscandar and a human male from the Earth fell in love. The protagonist solemnly announces, "they shall be the Adam and Eve for this planet." No, they are different species. They cannot reproduce. And even if they can, their descendants are still doomed. Whom will their children marry? Their siblings? Their parents? Even if they keep reproducing by marrying their siblings, the lack of genetic diversity would collapse the species. 

Stop being preachy

When they are the only ship that can save the entire humanity, and when they are already behind the schedule (if they do not meet the schedule, the entire humans will die), the protagonist decided to spend their time on rescuing some unknown alien animals. That is not realistic or even moral. That is like gambling on the lives of the entire human race. Yeah, I know the author wanted to tell 'all lives matter', but what kind of human in his right mind would actually do such a thing?

After accidentally destroying the entire planet of their enemy as a result of a battle, the protagonist was infuriated and shouted that those aliens were also living thing and they should have talked peace instead of war. Oh, please.


Analyser the robot constantly harasses the only female crew, Yuki. It kept lifting up her skirt, exposing her white panties to the surrounding male crews. And most of the time, her response was screaming and running away in shame. Finally she reports this to the admiral, but the admiral murmurs that he prefers the way it is... And then suddenly the robot and girl were sent to a mission together. They met a dangerous situation, and the robot declares that it loves the girl and will protect her. And the girl kind of came to understand the robot's 'love'. This is probably what men would want women to think of their nasty sexual harrasments... 'love'.

When the ship was warping, all crew members faints, and their shapes were disintegrated into three colour components. But for the girl, Yuki, suddenly her clothing and her clothing alone disappeared and she became totally naked.  What kind of spatial warping effect only affects female clothings?

After two male crew members have had a fight over some stupid thing, they forget that they had a fight and cooperated to save the ship from an incoming enemy attack. Seeing this, the girl says something like "男同士っていいものね。(Males friendship is great)", as if two female friends would not cooperate in that kind of situation. Come to think of it, why is there only one female crew members in the first place.

The whole story was dull, predictable, or even insulting.

Why cannot a civilisation, which has the technology to navigate 200,000 light years alive, find a place to live near its own planet? There may not be 100% exactly hospitable planets around them, but they could terraform them. We humans, with our current modest technology are about to terraform Mars to live on it.

Why would a good alien send a message to the humans that tells humans to come to its planet (200,000 light years away from Earth) and get the radiation remover, and the technical instructions to build an engine for that? Wouldn't the alien just send the technical instructions for making that radiation remover, instead? Unless, the alien is evil (like Yahweh) and enjoying people suffering in the long and unpredictable journey.

I expected there could be some shocking revealer or twist when they arrive at Iscandar, since it was very predictable that the would succeed to get there. But nothing. They just got there, and carried the radiation remover, and then returned to Earth. 

When they arrived at Iscandar, the alien woman said there is another human from the Earth. I could immediately guessed that it would be the elder brother of the protagonist. But I thought, "Oh, come on! It's 200, 000 light years away." But it was his brother, all right. What kind of chance is that? And yeah, like a movie cliche, the alien woman was in love with that man.

As they were returning to the Earth, they had the final battle, and the girl, Yuki, died. I mean, died. There were also many other casualties. But the protagonist, who had fallen in love with her for some no obvious reasons, carries only her to the commanding bridge, to show her the Earth. I had a weird eerie feeling that she would be brought back to life, like, you know, fables where a kiss from the prince brings the princess back from death. And, like an insult, her hand just moved without any explanation, and she just 'woke up' from death. Why? How? 

The ending was just too simple and dull. It showed the ship reaching the Earth, and the narration said something like "They used the radiation remover to clean the Earth, and saved the humanity", and that was it. Just like that?

No comments: